Saturday, February 27, 2010


I have been rearranging the plants in my little conservatory, moving the Meyer lemon and the gardenia into stronger sun; in the midst our February blizzards, both set buds. There is a metaphor here and perhaps if I blather on long enough I will figure it out.

I'm often a dullard when it comes to seeing the obvious, which is why I never tested well. I suppose. Multiple choice was a particular issue, when the clever testers selected a definition for a wrong word that could be correct IF...What is an orange colored fruit, they might ask. And then they'd give me the choice of an orange, a lemon and a tangerine. And I'd get caught between the orange and the tangerine, both are orange, yes? Fret , fret, they're trying to trick me, and I'd take my number 10 or 6 or 4 (what was the number of those pencils? And why did it HAVE to be that number) and blacken the little box beside tangerine really, really hard. Scritch scritch scritch.

I always fell for it. That IF thing, leaving me hovering indecisively only to pounce on precisely the wrong thing in frustration.  

Over breakfast last Sunday morning, I was telling the prince about a nasty dream I'd had the night before, something about us both straddling a log, me in front, and needing to inch our way across a raging river and he's urging me on, pushing me forward, even as the water is creeping up my shins and over my knees and I'm going down into a violent rush. It'll be OK, he tells me. Keep going. And I'm thinking I'M FUCKING DROWNING YOU MORON, though I didn't say that in the dream or over the sausages. Lest we--in both cases--irritate him, which has been known to be more painful than drowning.

And YES!! It's a metaphor for our present tumult, he points out: the struggles with health, and bills, and work--the figuring out what's next, the how do we survive.

This is so. As annoying as he can be, he's pushing me forward, moving me toward the sunlight, through the roiling water, because if he doesn't I might drown.

That was not very amusing was it? But it sure was dramatic!

Should i keep it or delete it, i lower case hover. Eh, leave it and move forward...


  1. A) Am I an idiot? Because I don't understand the "IF" part.

    B) Is tangerine WRONG???

    C) They're #2 pencils. The density of the lead has something to do with the machines that read those thingers.

    D) Not amusing. But I like.

    Lub <3

  2. A. idiot.
    B. Tangerine is only wrong if you devised the test -- it's just the sort of choice you (if it's you) make up to trick precisely me.
    c. thank you.
    d. thank you.


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