I See a Little Fertilizer in Your Future

Among the many questions I have never been asked is why there is, tangled amid the various beads and other shiny bits, a crystal ball suspended from a rather grimy pink string hanging on the broken lamp that occupies a sizable section of my desk.

It is possibly the most useless piece of gardening equipage in my arsenal of gardening implements.

Equipage, by the way, and since I just double checked Encarta, means:  "the equipment and supplies needed for an undertaking, especially a military expedition."

Which about sums gardening tools, yes?

The crystal is supposed to sense the plant's desires, the which way to settle in the pot or the earth. The do I need water or not.  The hunger for an 8-0-24 or 10-10-10 fertilizer.

All you need to do is hold the string (allowing enough string to dangle freely) with a weight suspended (I use a crystal since I happen to have such things handy, but anything of a certain weight will do) between thumb and forefinger above whatever plant you're troubled with.

Hold it steady and ask, for instance, "Is this planted in the right direction?"

Now just wait a bit. Slooowly the weight will begin to rotate, circling to the right if the direction is correct, to the left if it is not. (Left, is always incorrect, unless we're discussing politics, when it's frequently right. And who's on first, I might add).

Given time it will begin to swing wildly, round and round,

If it circles left, turn the plant in some direction or other and ask again. Continue until you get a right spinning weight.

This can also be done over vegetables and fruits in the supermarket. Should you be unsure of the ripeness of the item, just ask it, "Are you ripe?" And stand there with your string and your weight (as people stare at you like you're completely insane) and wait for the response.

Try it too with various critical life issues, like: Should I get a divorce? Eat a bacon sandwich? Take a nap?

This technique was learned as part of a session of past life therapy that I tried some (many) years ago, as a completely rational alternative to traditional therapy and the expenditure of countless dollars.  During the session various things appeared, including a horse, apples, a lake, a cave, some great black clothing, and really terrific hair.

I also learned the divining trick, which is, if nothing else, diverting.